


Red Summer

by Quazie89



Series: Red Summer [1]
Category: Family Guy, Garfield - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 15:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2473340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quazie89/pseuds/Quazie89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian's gay cousin comes over to visit once again...a few characters die...what's a poor dog to do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ONE: Monkey Boy

_Summer, 2008..._

Just like any other boy's room, Chris Griffin's was dull, cramped, and unbearably depressing. There was, however, one little special addition to the place that made it horribly original and unique: A monkey dwelled within the black depths of Chris' closet.

Sure, as unlikely as this sounded, it was true. There was a prime ape lurking within the fat, blond-headed boy's closet and it had ravenous eyes, vampire-like teeth, and the annoying habit of pointing at anyone it just so happened to see whenever it dared to venture out of its liar, which wasn't often but often enough that Chris was becoming more than a little paranoid about the beast.

In fact, he was frightened of monkeys in general, and this was the very reason why his parents would never take him to the zoo. Chris knew this because, whenever the Griffins would go on an outing to the zoo, his father would ask him: "Now Chris, you remember what happened the last time?"

Chris would then be forced to go up to his room and recall, exactly, everything that had taken place during his first and last trip to the zoo…

_Last summer…_

The zoo. Chris and his bespectacled sister, Meg, had always wanted to go. Stewie, their demonic, baby brother, could've cared less about such a place of childish wonder; the football-headed toddler was more fascinated by the idea of destroying the world. Brian, the family's small, white talking dog, would've rather been at the bar getting drunk.

So what was so great about the zoo? Chris was determined to find out, and he did one summer day in mid-July. Well he sort of did, but the zoo wasn't exactly the kind of place he imagined it to be.

For one thing, the place was hotter than hell. Chris actually thought that he would melt like that witch in the Wizard of Oz, a movie that still gave him nightmares.

Another thing, the place stunk like crap. Everywhere you walked animals were pooping, creating a gigantic stink hole.

The last thing that made all these others even worse: the animals liked to hug you. A year later after the accident, Chris could still smell the breath of an orangutan that had tried to do just that, causing him to flee from his family in pure terror. It had taken them the rest of their whole day there to find him, hours later, in a garbage dumpster.  
Chris had never been back to the zoo since.

* * *

Back in his room, Chris eyed the closet door with fearful dread. He dared that evil monkey to come out. He dared that devilish little bastard to come out and scare the piss out of him…

Then it did. Chris had been sitting on his bed for no longer than five minutes when the door to the closet began to creak open, slowly revealing the monster that resided inside.

"Mom! The evil monkey's back!" he shouted, leaping behind the bed and hoping to put it between himself and the devilish monkey that was out for his blood.

* * *

"Peter, was that Chris?" Lois asked her overweight husband, Peter, who had one of his beefy arms wrapped around her as they reclined on the sofa, Brian sitting on the floor at their feet.

Peter laughed. "Yeah, it sounds like that evil monkey's back," he giggled. Brian perked up an ear.

"That's not funny, Peter," he said, pointing his bulbous, black nose at the fat man and his wife. Shuddering he added, "That monkey is freakin' evil."

"Why don't you go kill it then, my strong handsome guy?" Lois asked.

Brian stood up (an odd thing for a dog to do but Brian managed it) and shook his head."I'm flattered, Lois, really, but I can't. Got to go get the mail." He headed for the door. Turning to look back at the Griffins he suggested, "Why don't you get Stewie to do it? He's always talking about killing stuff."

With that, Brian strolled out, shutting the door behind him. Stewie, who had been sitting on his mother's lap, raised his eyebrows at the woman who he so desperately wanted to kill.

"Stewie, would you go kill the evil monkey for mommy?" the hated, red-headed woman asked her son, who hopped from his mother's lap with an angry huff.

"I'm on to you, woman!" he shouted, pointing a small, trembling finger dramatically at his mother before fishing out a blaster from one of his pant's pockets and trotting up the stairs to Chris' room.

Once inside the fat kid's bedroom, Stewie took a look around and realized instantly that the monkey had, indeed, emerged once again and it was his duty to put it down once and for all.

"Blast you to hell, monkey devil!" the baby roared. He began firing a volley of shots at the monkey, who was actually well-dressed and possessed excellent reflexes, for he kept on leaping safely out of the reach of Stewie's death blasts.

"Shoot it! Shoot it!" Chris wailed, placing his pudgy hands over his ears in an effort to block out the deafening explosions that Stewie was producing rapidly.

"Damn you, monkey boy, I'm trying!" Stewie bellowed over the hail of blasts and whooped gleefully when, suddenly, the monkey dropped form the ceiling, dead and spouting blood profusely as it hit the floor with a loud THUMP.

"You got him, Stewie!" Chris cried, triumphantly, slowly rising from his hiding place. "Way to go!"

Stewie dismissed the fat boy's praise away with the wave of a tiny, clinched fist. "Nothing to it." He walked out the door, Chris waddling behind him.

Right after they had left, the mauled body of the evil monkey began to twitch.

* * *

Humming to himself, Brian plunged his paw into the mailbox and rummaged through it, hoping for some interesting news and no bills.

He didn't get any of those things. Instead, what he brought back out of the mailbox wasn't a badly rolled up newspaper or an overdue bill (which was a shocker because Lois' dad was rich but her family was dirt poor) but a letter, a letter from his gay cousin Jasper. It read:

Dear Brian,

How's it hangin', handsome? How are things going? Have you banged Lois yet? If you have I'll never forgive you!

Ha! Just kidding. Anyway, I wrote to you to tell you that my family and I will be coming over for a visit. We are leaving from our home in the country to go vacationing. We just thought that we'd stop by Quahog on our way. Don't know when we'll get there but it'll be sometime around the end of this month. Just thought that I'll let you know ahead of time that way you will be prepared to meet my new date. He's a huge, purebred Doberman hunk.

Hope your family doesn't mind.

Love,  
Jasper.

P.S.: Ricardo is dead. He was shot a couple of years after we were married. We shall not speak of this accident at all though I do wish to tell you that I moved to the country with a new family in the hopes that I could just let everything go. Please don't tell your family this. It would only upset them, especially Lois. See you soon!

Shaking his head, Brian folded up the letter. He carried it inside the house, furrowing his brow in deep thought and hurt. He didn't know how his family was going to take this but…he had to tell them while making sure not to spill out the fact that Ricardo was dead. Now, standing before the Griffins, he cleared his throat and announced, "Guys, I have some great news that you are all going to love…"

Like him, they didn't.


	2. TWO Getting Reacquainted

The Bransons, unlike the Griffins, were a kind, civilized family. They went to church on every Sunday, volunteered for everything, and showered their dog, Jasper, with so much love and affection that it just about made the gay pooch sick.

"They don't understand you like the way I do," Cyrus, Jasper's new lover, said as the two of them reclined on the couch and watched TV, trying to ignore the Bransons as they sung in the kitchen next door.  
In the family, besides Jasper, there were four of them. Mrs. Sarah Branson was married to Ben Branson and they had two kids.

One, the girl, was named Erin and the other was her brother, Erick. They were both very bright, intelligent kids but Jasper often thought that they were putting on an act.

"Oh I agree, Cyrus, but there's somebody who just might understand me better," Jasper contradicted. Cyrus frowned at him.

"Who?" the big Doberman asked, looking quite comical when his serious face turned into an expression of childish ignorance.

"Why, my straight cousin Brian! He's from Quahog, remember?" Jasper inquired. Cyrus stared stupidly back at his friend, who sighed, "You know…I once told you that he's the only one smart enough to read books?"

"Hmmm…I think that I recall something about him." The Doberman crossed his legs and folding his arms about his broad chest.

Scowling he whimpered, "I just can't see why he's better than me, though! I mean, look at all I've done for you, you selfless bast-"

"I didn't mean it like that!" Jasper interjected, waving his paws about in protest. Putting an arm around his soul mate he assured him. "I just meant that I miss him is all. Brian and I go way back…"

As Jasper trailed off into fond and sometimes violent memories of his cousin, Cyrus got up and padded into the kitchen. The family was all gathered around the table, eating with long-practiced good manners. Cyrus was about to unexpectedly interrupt their meal.

"Um, guys…I have a favor to ask." He tried to be as polite and formal as he could, which was made especially hard whenever the children turned their deceiving faces upon his.

"What's the matter, Cyrus?" Mrs. Branson asked.

Cryrus couldn't help but stare at her. She was just about hot enough to make him straight, but not quite. For one thing, her boobs were too flat and her hair was too short, not to mention partly grey.

Her husband was a different matter. He was tall, lean, and had pure black hair that framed his business-like face. He was smiling confidently at Cyrus, urging him to go on and the dog finally did.

"Well, I was wondering…could you take me and Jasper on vacation?" He watched their faces as they stared unblinkingly back at them.

"Yes, let's go on vacation!" Erick concurred, clapping his hands together joyfully. They were thin, frail hands, Cyrus noted, not at all like the boy's father's. Yet his face was just as handsome as Mr. Branson's.

"Where do you want to go, Cyrus?" Erin asked, shooting him a quizzical look, and Cyrus smiled.

"To Quahog, Rhode Island. Jasper wants to visit his cousin there," he said, knowing that he would do anything to make his lover happy.

Mr. Branson nodded thoughtfully. "I don't see anything wrong with it," he finally decided, and Cyrus beamed at him. "This is, after all, the best summer that we've ever had so why don't we share it with other members of the family?"  
The kids whooped. Mrs. Branson slightly smiled, her eyes twinkling at Cyrus as, after thanking them, the dog returned to the couch and…his one and true love.

* * *

That night, Cyrus and Jasper went out walking to the park. Since it was dark, and the town was completely deserted, they weren't ashamed to hold each other's paws. When they arrived at a park bench, they each sat down, Jasper taking out a pen and paper when they did.

"You writing to someone?" Cyrus asked.  
Jasper nodded absently as he began to scribble on the paper. Every once in awhile, out of the corner of his eye, he would catch Cyrus' suspicious eyes sweeping over the paper.

"Yeah, to Brian," Jasper admitted minutes later after he had finished writing the letter. It hadn't taken him very long to write it, mainly because he really didn't have much to say. He had just wanted to send a greeting to Brian and warn him that they were coming. He was sure that Lois would appreciate that.

"Oh, that mangy mutt again?" Cyrus fumed, fire dancing in his eyes. "Why do you like him so much?"  
Jasper laughed. "Because he's my cousin," he said, running his claws through the little white puff of hair that topped his head, which was just as white as Brian's. Watching him, Cyrus snorted.

"Just don't forget the promise you made to me when we met," he ordered, and Jasper smiled.  
"Don't worry, I won't," he said, and he was instantly recalling the first time that he and Cyrus had met…

_Sometime last year…_

The Country fair had begun. The Bransons went to it the first day it opened, taking Jasper along with them. It was a warm day, a day that none of them was really enjoying; it was just too hot and the fairgrounds were totally congested. Jasper only wanted it all to end.

To make matters worse, the day wore on slowly. Jasper whined throughout the most of it until…he met Cyrus.

The two dogs had crossed each other's paths while they both had been waiting in line to ride the Farris Wheel of Death.

Upon first seeing each other, they exchanged the traditional greeting of sniffing each other's butts. Then, when that part of the ritual had been completed, the two dogs touched noses and introduced themselves.

They talked for several minutes before abandoning the Ferris Wheel and taking off into the direction that their noses were pulling them: The food stand. After purchasing hotdogs and sodas from there, they then went off to a nearby tent and sat down.

The stuff that they had talked about that day would always be on Jasper's mind for as long as he lived. He would always remember that he himself had promised Cyrus one thing: Eternal love.

He never mentioned Ricardo.

* * *

Cyrus' face softened as his friend stared up at him with pure love and affection. Sighing, Cyrus leaned his head in Jasper's lap and fell asleep.

The next morning, they awoke to the annoying chirping of birds and the scorching heat of the sun upon their backs.

Deciding it was time to head home, they did, and Jasper stopped by the post office to mail his letter to Brian on the way there. After that had been accomplished, they walked the rest of the way home in happily, contented silence.

Days passed. Almost immediately the month, which was June, came to an end and the Bransons were planning to move out. Soon Jasper would be reunited with Brian once again.

* * *

"Mom, Chris is pulling my ear!" Meg wailed as her brother clamped a stubby hand over her ear and tugged – hard.  
Just entering the living room, where Meg and Chris were bickering with each other, Lois sighed and said, "All right, kids. Knock it off!"

"It wasn't my fault!" Meg cried, dropping to the floor as soon as Chris had released her ear. Sobbing, she covered her head with her arms and began to scream. As she did, Peter walked into the living room to investigate.

"Jeez, I can't wait 'till these little freaks are back in school," he complained. Lois gave him a stern look.

"Peter, that's two months away," she informed her husband, causing him to burst into tears.

"Waaah…Why won't it end!" He stormed off to another room in the house. Not too long after he had left, Brian walked in, Stewie following behind him.

"Good lord, I hope they don't act like this when Jasper comes," the dog said, fearfully. Stewie chuckled.

"Oh yes, that would be an absolute disaster wouldn't it, Brian?" He rubbed his hands together menacingly. Brain raised his eyebrows.

"Did you ever finish off the monkey after it crawled into Meg's room?" he asked the baby, who shuddered.

"Oh yes, I killed him dead," he said, remembering how, later on during the day in which Chris had gunned down the evil monkey, the evil beast had crawled into Meg's room and tried to attack her. Fortunately, having been nothing more than a zombie, it had only been able to flail its arms about wildly and groan, giving Stewie enough time to charge into Meg's room and stab a knife through the monkey's back. The weapon had worked more efficiently than the blaster gun had, and Stewie made a reminder to himself to use it more often, especially on Lois.

"Brian's right! You kids need to be on your best behavior," Lois scolded them, not noticing that Stewie was mimicking her every word behind her back as she turned to go after Peter.

"Stop that. They could be arriving any day now," Brian barked, swiping a paw at Stewie, who dodge the dog's forceful swing skillfully.

"It's more likely that they'll walk in on us tonight when we're all asleep," the baby predicted, leaving Brian to ponder on this horrible possibility on his own as Meg and Chris recovered from their struggle.  
In the end, the hateful baby was actually right.

* * *

Later that night, all was silent in the house. At the foot of Lois' and Peters' bed, Brian lay curled up, his eyes wide open, his ears fully erected. He couldn't sleep. What Stewie had said was really bothering him. What if Jasper and his family were to come tonight? What if they just barged into the house and –

Suddenly, a loud engine erupted over the driveway below, and Brian yelped, leaping shamefully off the bed and tiptoeing to the window. Lois and Peter began to stir.

"Jeez, what's the matter Brian?" Peter grumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before placing his glasses on the bridge of his short, fat nose. He fumbled over the nightstand and switched on the lamp which was perched on top of it, illuminating the couple's room in a golden glow.

"Sounds like somebody's out there!" Lois dropped her voice to a whisper and walking up to Brian's side. Looking downward through the window, she could see a van pulling into the driveway.

"I'll get the gun, Lois!" Peter cried. He was about to rush off when the van's engine died and all its doors opened, allowing Jasper and his family to step out of the vehicle.

"Relax, Peter, it's just my cousin." Brian pulled his lips into a snarl and his paws were clinched at his sides. He was going to kill Jasper for this!

"Where are you going, Brian?" Lois asked the dog, who had bounded toward the door frantically before he stopped to turn around and look at her.

"I'm going to give him a little welcoming gift," he growled, and tore out of the room.

Stunned, Lois muttered, "Oh my…"

Peter just stood there.

* * *

Feeling exited as well as nervous, Jasper approached the Griffin's font door and gently knocked. Cyrus, walking alongside of him, frowned.

"I don't like this," he said.

The door began to swing open.

"Well, that was quick! But it's about time that we got reacquainted – hey!" Jasper cried just as Brian pulled back his fist and made sure that his knuckles contacted firmly with his cousin's nose, which popped loudly.

"Ow! You bastard! You broke it!" Jasper cried.

Cyrus got into a crouching position, ready to lunge.


	3. THREE: Family Wars, Star Wars

"Lois, that dog is trying to hump Brian!" Peter cried when he and Lois entered the leaving room just in time to witness Cyrus throw himself at Brian, who quickly leaped out of the Doberman's reach.

"No he's not! This is just a big misunderstanding!" Brian crouched into a fighting position, preparing himself should the big dog charge again. Then, at that moment, the front door swung opened and someone walked in, switching on the lights.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for this!" a tall gorgeous woman who was older than Lois apologized. Brian felt his eyes widen at the sight of her. She was so beautiful…

"Yes, we didn't mean to barge in!" a male voice answered.

A tall, well-dressed man stolled in. He was followed by two younger kids. Brian stared at all of them, openmouthed.

"Whoa! These folks look like they're crapping out money, Lois!" Peter exclaimed, glaring at the man in the slick, black tuxedo and his wife, who was also dressed elegantly. Her kids were as well, and they were beaming.

"Peter! Watch your mouth!" Lois hissed.

Brian loosened up. "Wow, Jasper, looks like you're doing pretty well!" He sauntered toward his cousin. He extended his paw out to him. He was forced to take a step back, however, when Jasper bowled into him, embracing him in a strangling hug.

"Oh, Brian, I've missed you!" the dog said in his usual whiny, girlie voice. Brian let his arms go lip as Jasper continued to cling to him. He was getting a little alarmed when the dog started to grope him in places that he himself had never fully explored before.

"Um…you can let go now." Brian let out a little embarrassed chuckle as Jasper stared to tug at his tail. When this went on for a few more minutes, Brian sighed and cocked his head up at Lois and Peter. Lois just stared sympathetically back at him while Peter giggled.

"HeHeHe! That dog's playing with Brian's tail, Lois!" he pointed out needlessly.  
Brian could only sigh, feeling sorry for himself. This was going to be a long, depressing summer…and what made it even worse was the sad fact that no one brought up Ricardo's name. Not once.

Stewie awoke in his crib that morning, his eyes fixed on the spinning contraption above his head, and cried out as Brian's head suddenly appeared on the other side of the wooden bars that imprisoned him. The dog was standing at the foot of the crib, a frown on his relatively plain face.

"About time you woke up." He watched Stewie with scrutiny as the baby crawled stealthy out of the crib.  
Stewie swore. "All right, Snoopy! Get out of my room!" He was about to run out the door when Jasper suddenly appeared there, smiling.

"Why, is this that baby brother you're always talking about? He's just gorgeous!" Jasper gushed.  
A horrified expression came across Stewie's face.

"Aaaah! We're being invaded by a gay force of Snoopies!" he cried. He ran past Jasper and into the hallway. Brian and Jasper could hear him tumbling down the steps as he went.

Jasper laughed. "Oh, he's simply a riot!" Brian gently pushed him out the door.

"Come on, you don't want to piss Cyrus off," he urged his cousin, and together the two headed into the living room, were they found Stewie relishing in the attention he was receiving from the Bransons.

"Oh, he's simply adorable!" Mrs. Branson remarked as she rocked Stewie in her arms, not noticing that the baby was staring lustfully at her breasts. Mr. Branson nodded in agreement. Erick and Erin, meanwhile, where engaged in a colorful conversation with Chris and Meg, who were all sitting in the floor at their parent's feet, watching TV.

"So, do you like going to the mall, Erin?" Meg asked the girl, who had light, brown hair very similar to her mother's and a chubby, rosy face.

Erin shrugged. "It's all right." She took her hazel eyes off the TV for a moment to gaze at Meg, who was smiling widely until the girl added, "But I really don't like to go because one time there was this giant chicken…"  
Erick suddenly laughed. "These reality shows are stupid!" he said, throwing his head back against his father's thighs and giggling uncontrollably.

"Now, Erick, that's not nice -" Mr. Branson began, and was interrupted by Peter, who was also laughing.

"No, no! The boy's actually right! I think that they made TV so people can escape reality!" he said, reaching a hand down to pat Erick on the shoulder. The boy looked up at Peter as the fat man muttered, "I wish my son's brain was as big as his penis so that he could think like that!"

In the floor next to Erick, Chris blushed and said, "Dad, I don't think Erick wants to know about my -"

"Your right, he doesn't," Lois said, firmly, glaring warningly at Peter as Cyrus suddenly emerged from behind the couch.

The monstrous purebred said, "Um, Brian, I'm sorry for how I acted earlier but I can't help but think that there must be something dead under the couch because I smell -"

"Oh, that's just were I buried the evil monkey there the other day," Stewie admitted. Brian shared a concerned look with Jasper and Cyrus.

"Let's go outside and pee on the neighbor's fire hydrants!" Jasper suggested, joyfully. Brian managed a nod.

"Yeah, let's gets out of here," he said, and together the three dogs walked outside.

* * *

"Yo, Brian! See you got some visitors! Who are they?" Quagmire, one of the Griffins' next door neighbors, inquired as he stepped out of his house to check the mail. Brian looked up from the fire hydrant that he had been urinating on and managed a smile.

"It's my cousin, Jasper! He and his family came over to stay until school starts back!" he said, and Quagmire bobbed his head excitedly.

"Giggity! Giggity! Are they any hot chicks in that family?" he asked. Brian looked at Jasper for a moment, taking a step back from the crimson hydrant.

"Um…yeah, I guess so, but she's already taken," he said. Quagmire's pear-shaped face fell.

"Oh, well, okay then" he said and, after fetching the mail, walked drunkenly back into the house.

"What was that about?" Cyrus asked. Brian shrugged

"I never really understood Quagmire," he said, and then lead the dogs to Joe's (Joe was their other neighbor) house. No one was around.

"Guess no one's home!" Jasper unleashed his urine on the handicapped police officer's lawn.  
Brian didn't join in this time. He just respected Joe too much. He let Cyrus and Jasper have all the fun, which he learned to never do again.

* * *

Upon entering the house later that day, Brian, Jasper, and Cyrus stumbled into a battlefield. Both the Bransons and the Griffins were at war, and the three dogs watched the two families in disbelief as they fought viciously against each other.

"You leave the house for a while and look what happens," Cyrus muttered, shaking his head, and Brian resisted the urge to beat the shit out of the Doberman. The only thing that was keeping him from doing so was the fact that the dog oversized him a great deal, and Brian could bet that he wouldn't fair well in a duel against the purebred.

"This stuff happens all the time." Brian tried to sound calm.

Jasper glanced at him."What are we going to do?" he asked as Chris suddenly sailed over their heads, his sister screaming a war cry as she charged after him.

Brian was about to reply when Stewie appeared before them, brandishing a knife.

"Its war! Prepare to die, you bastards!" the baby threatened. He sped blindly past the dogs, leaving them stunned. Not along after the baby had left, Peter stumbled in, struggling to hold on to a fighting Mr. Branson.

"That's for thinking you're better than me!" Peter bellowed, punching Mr. Branson in the face with as much force as he could muster. Voice rising, Peter went on, "And that's for having a hotter wife than me! And that's for saying that Luke Skywalker couldn't build a time machine and travel here so he could kick your ass!"

Brian didn't know what to think about that one but…he couldn't help but marvel at how cool it would be if Jedi Master Skywalker actually did build a time machine and showed up at that moment, killing every human in the room...

_A long time ago, in a galaxy far away…_

"I'm going to build a time machine," Luke Skywalker promised Han Solo and his wife, Leia Organa Solo, as the three of them sat around a table at the back of the Mos Eisley cantina. Han snorted.

"You're too retarded to build a time machine!" he retorted, and Leia sighed.

"Oh Han, you know he can't help it. Stupidity runs in my family," she said, remembering her father, Darth Vader, and how stupid he had had been to actually think of constructing that stupid Death Star.

"That's what you think!" Luke snapped. He ran off. Leia and Han didn't see him until years later, when he returned to the Jedi base on Yavin 4 and presented them with a time machine.

"See! Told you I could do it!" Luke bragged. He stepped into the time machine, which instantly blasted upwards and destroyed the roof above the heads of the New Jedi Order, which was holding a council, trapping all its members in a crushing ruble. Under a large slab of roof Han choked.

"Damn it, Luke! I hope that the Sand People eat your liver and heart!" he croaked, and died.

* * *

As his mind wondered back to the present, a smile formed on Brian's face and the dog chuckled. He could dream.

Suddenly, the roof above their heads collapsed, and Luke Skywalker's time machine landed in the middle in the living room.

"Man…what the hell trashed this place?" the Jedi Master wondered, stepping out of the time machine as he removed his light saber from his utility belt and activated it. After taking a look around the tragedy that the Griffins' house had became, he stepped around the home until he found Brian, Jasper, and Cyrus, who were watching the fight take place in the kitchen.

"This looks a job for the Jedi Master!" Luke stared at the dogs hopefully. Brian was no longer smiling, for Cyrus had just ran out of the house with his tail in between his legs.

"You felt a dark presence in the force, didn't you?" Brian guessed.

Luke nodded vigorously.

"Yes! It came form your friend right there!" he claimed, loudly, inclining his head at Jasper, whose face actually turned whiter than it already was.

"Oh shit!" the dog cried as Luke leaped at him, slashing his saber through the dog's neck and removing his head from his body, which tumbled to the floor in a bloody mess.

"Oh…lord!" Brian took off, hoping to find his family and get them out of the house before it was too late.

Luke was fast on his tail.

* * *

As Stewie fought, the baby heard a familiar hum echo throughout the house. He recognized that hum as a light saber from his time as Darth Vader, supreme overlord of the galaxy.

Looking forward to a real challenge, Stewie turned his attention away from Erick, and quickly ran up to his room to once again disguise himself as Luke Skywalker's father.

As soon as he had dug the small, Darth Vader costume out of the closet and adorned it on his body, the baby took out his light saber, which had a crimson glow, and activated it as Luke had done, not knowing what he was facing but prepared for it nevertheless.

When he returned to the kitchen, he found Brian gathering up the rest of the Griffins and Bransons as he fled from Luke Skywalker, who looked really pissed about something.

Curious as to what it could be, Stewie placed himself in Skywalker's path and chuckled.

"So, my son…you think that that you could make a fool out of your father?" he boomed. Luke halted in his tracks, deactivating his light saber. "Well, yeah, I guess so because I'm better than you are!" He laughed.

Stewie gripped the hilt of his light saber tightly. "Wrong answer, chump!" he roared. Leaping, he plunged his saber straight through Luke's heart. With a gurgling sound, the once great Jedi Master's body swooned to the ground and vanished, leaving nothing behind except his brown Jedi robe, which was smoldering to ashes.

"Mission accomplished," Stewie said, solemnly. He gave a quick, smart salute to what little remained of the Last Jedi.


	4. FOUR: The Burial

Jasper's burial took place a couple of days later. It was on a gloom, dark day when they buried Brian's cousin, and everyone that the Griffins knew showed up to pay their last respects to Jasper. However, very little tears were shed.

"Oh Brian, I'm so sorry." Bonnie, Joe Swanson's ever-pregnant wife, waddled up to Brian. A bit nervous, Brian anxiously tugged at the collar of his black coat.

"T-that's okay…Bonnie…you don't have to…" he stuttered. He trailed off when Bonnie planted a wet kiss on his muzzle, which was getting soaked as black rain poured.

"But I want to." She walked off, not seeing that Brian was blushing redder than a tomato.

"You like her don't you?" Stewie pressed. Brian jumped. He hadn't heard the stealthy baby sneak up on him.

Trying to compose himself, Brian awkwardly snapped, "No…I don't. Besides, she's married and…human…"

"That didn't stop you for wooing after the other day, now did it?" Stewie said.

Brian, more angry and upset than ever, turned his back on Stewie and walked to the foot of Jasper's open grave, which was dug into the ground at the farthest end of the cemetery.

"His body's over there," Peter said, walking up to Brian and pointing at a small bag that lay a few centimeters away from Brian, who shuddered when his moistened eyes landed on it.

"P-Peter I…I knew that." Brian's voice was cracking. He lowered his head down, trying not to glance over at the bag that concealed his cousin's lifeless body from the world.

"Just thought that I let you know." Peter walked off without a hint of remorse.

Beginning to sob, Brian started to say to himself, "Jasper I know that…that you and I weren't really close but…I'm sorry that you're dead…I'll miss…you…you bastard…"

"Beautiful, Brian, beautiful!" a familiar voice cheered. Brian reluctantly looked toward the voice and saw, to his amazement, that Jasper's spirit was hovering over his body.

Jasper's ghost wasn't the only one there, though. The Evil Monkey had also showed up, along with Luke Skywalker, Yoda, and Obi Wan Kenobi. They all looked as if they had just returned from a party.

"What are you guys doing here?" Brian sniffed, smiling a little as he ran a paw over his snuffling nose.

"I came to guide my stupid padawan here," Kenobi grumbled. Brian's heart swelled with respect for the former Jedi Master.

"Don't call me stupid! You're the one that just stood there and let my father kill you!" Luke snapped. Brian couldn't help but chuckle. As he did, the Evil Monkey snarled and jabbed a finger at him.

"He says that you smell funny," Jasper translated the monkey's growl for Brian, who shrugged.

"So? Maybe he smells funny-" Brian began, but was interrupted by Cleveland.

"Brian, you could quit talking to yourself and help!" the mustached African man said. Brian blinked. Jasper and the other ghosts were no longer there. Shaking his head, he went to go lower his friend into the ground.

* * *

Later on that day, just as Brian and the others had finished covering Jasper's grave back over and nearly everyone had left, a new visitor sneaked upon the scene.

It was Cyrus. Grudgingly, he watched as the Bransons gave their last farewells to the Griffins. They had all forgotten about him, which was a mistake because Jasper knew in his heart just who had killed his lover.

It had been Brian. Cyrus was sure of that, and he was going to mess that freaking mutt up real bad.

"Hey Cyrus, you want to go home with us, boy?" Erick asked the brooding Doberman as he walked timidly up to him. The kid had extended his hand out to stroke the dog when it suddenly bared its fangs and snarled, causing the boy to back away.

"Erick, honey, stay away from that thing!" Mrs. Branson advised her son, who shrieked and ran back to the safety of his family. As he did, Cyrus slinked away.

* * *

"We're terribly sorry for this, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin," Mr. Branson apologized, running his coarse fingers though his jet-black hair and Lois nodded.

"We are too." She clutched at Peter's arm for support. Looking as if he would rather be somewhere else,

Peter patted her on the shoulder.

"Why are we sorry, Lois?" he asked her. Mr. Branson frowned.

"For ruining their vacation! And for killing their dog!" Lois shouted, throwing her head off of Peter's arm and beginning to cry. Not knowing what else to do, Peter roughly patted her head hard enough to send the woman to the ground. However, Lois braced herself.

"It's your fault that we're here! If you hadn't started that stupid argument with-!" she accused.

Peter made a face. "Oh, it's my fault now, is it?" He didn't realize that the Bransons were beginning to back away toward their van. As Lois' and Peter's argument grew heated, the Bransons all piled into the vehicle and drove off, leaving Quahog behind forever.

* * *

Witnessing the fight from a safe distance, Brian listened to Lois and Peter as they argued, not really wanting to get involved but, heck, he wanted to get back home.

So, having made up his mind, he abandoned his cousin's grave and cautiously approached the bickering couple. When he reached them, he cleared his throat and got their attention.

"Um, Lois, Peter, I would like to go home now," he said. Chris and Meg, who had been standing nearby, nodded their heads in agreement. They were both tired and missing home.

Looking not in the list bit guilty, Peter gave Brian a blank look and muttered, "Sure. And, when we get there, we can get Joe and the others and go to the Clam and get drunk off our asses!"

"Peter!" Lois snapped, but Brian thought that she didn't sound too shocked and he agreed to Peter's plan. He needed a martini more than anything right then.


	5. FIVE: Violence At The Clam

That night, after Peter had dropped off Lois and the kids, he and Brian drove around town picking up his friends. When they were all in the vehicle, they drove to the Drunken Clam, Peter's favorite place to hang out with his buddies. It was owned by an old fat man named Horace.

Horace, as usual, welcomed them with a grumpy grunt and ordered them to take a seat at a round table at the corner of the room. He knew what they wanted. As they waited for him to bring their drinks, Peter started a casual conversation.

"So…I heard that Passions was taken off the other day," he started to venture. Joe sputtered.

"You don't actually watch that crap, do you?" The man's eyes widened as Cleveland's and Quagmire's jaws dropped.

"Oh my…" Cleveland said.

Peter shook his head wildly. "No guys, you got it all wrong! Lois used to watch that shit and one day it just wasn't on!" He grimaced. "She bitched about it for weeks…"

"You know, I'm glad that they canceled it," Brian said, and the guys stared at him in amazement. "No, really, I am! I mean…after that little Timmy kid died that Tabitha woman or witch or whatever the hell she was really let herself go!"

After this statement came out of Brian, who had looked serious as he said it, the guys erupted into laughter. Just as they did, Horace approached them with their drinks.

"Here you go, guys! Drink up and get the hell out of here." He slid their drinks onto the table and walking back to the bar. As he left, the laughter died down.

"Man, I sure wish Jasper was still here." Brian took a slip of his martini. Peter gave him an honest, sincere look.

"Aw, come on! You're still not moping for him, are you?" he wondered. Brian hung his head.  
"I got to go take a leak." He slid out of the chair, leaving the men baffled. The next time they saw Brian, they hardly recognized their best friend.

* * *

It was a dark, ominous night out, pretty much the same weather conditions that could describe the whole day. Feeling low, Brian walked out of the bar, his tail hanging between his legs and his ears drooping. He had barely been walking for a couple of minutes when his legs began to ache, forcing him to sit down at the curb of the road.

He hadn't gotten far, for he could still see the neon letters that spelled the Drunken Clam above the entrance to Horace's bar, when a dark shape suddenly appeared in the road and started to advance upon him. Not long after that silhouette had showed up, more started to materialize, and Brian could feel his hackles rising as one of those shapes appeared out of the gloom and turned into Cyrus.

It suddenly occurred to Brian that he hadn't seen Cyrus at the funeral. Where had the dog been? At one time, after all, he was Jasper's lover. Why hadn't he come to see his friend off to the afterlife?

"All right, you little bastard! I know that you killed Jasper and I'm going to screw you so bad…" Cyrus threatened, his voice trailing into one long, vicious snarl that actually made Brian back up against the brick wall of one of the many buildings that stood behind him on the sidewalk.

Fiddling his paws nervously, Brian looked around him and watched helplessly as more dogs showed up. They were all enormous brutes and among them were two Saint Bernards, one Great Dane, and five full grown German Shepherds. They were all showing there teeth…

"Screw off!" Brian snapped, weakly, feeling cowardly as the dogs ganged up on him and his knees buckled. They were all on him within a second.

* * *

Horace was cleaning a glass when he heard the yelps outside. Alarmed, but not wanting to disturb Peter and his friends for something that might turn out to be nothing at all, he headed for the door and peered outside.

At first, he saw no signs of the disturbance but, as he walked into the night and further along the sidewalk, he could make out a large mass of dogs attacking something.  
Reacting on instinct, he pulled a rifle from out of nowhere, aimed it, and fired it at the dogs. They all fled like a herd of freaking rabbits.

"Yeah, you better run, you bastards!" he roared. He stopped firing when he realized that he had shot one of them. It was a big, hulking Doberman, and it was walking on three legs, for one of them was bleeding so profusely that the dog couldn't put any weight on it.

Deciding that it would be best to put the wretched animal out of its misery, Horace aimed his gun at the dog's head and fired, blowing the canine's skull straight into the sky. Ignoring the large amounts of blood that resulted in this hideous act of violence, Horace then lowered his gun and approached the pack's victim.

He dropped the rifle when, as he bent down and peered at the small, broken body, he discovered it was Brian.

* * *

 

As the person approached him, Brian blinked the blood out of his eyes and struggled to get up, his bloodied, shredded flanks heaving as he did.

"Easy boy," a deep voice said.

Someone pushed him gently back down. Panting, his tongue rolling out as he attempted to breathe, Brian felt relieved as, after a bit of blood had cleared form his eyes, he saw that it was Horace.

Feeling grateful and too tired to speak, Brian fell into a world of blackness as Horace scooped him up and cradled him in his big arms, carrying him into the bar to break the news to Peter.

* * *

"Oh my god, Peter, look!" Joe suddenly shouted, interrupting Peter, who had been talking but ceased to do so in order to turn to see what it was, swearing.

"Good…sweet Jesus, Brian!" he cried, running up to Horace and staring, dumbstruck, at his friend, who lay unconsciously limp in Horace's arms, which completely swallowed the bruised, and bloodied dog.

"A mob of dogs ganged up on him," Horace said as Peter stared anxiously into Brian's unrecognizable face, his lips slightly trembling.

"What am I going to tell Lois and the kids?" he whispered, running his hands though his short, brown hair. Horace sighed.

"Call the vet, first," he suggested, taking Brian back outside and to Peter's car.

"Then what?" Peter asked, frantically, as he opened the door for Horace, who gently slid Brian into the backseat of the car, which was fast soaked with Brian's blood.

"Then take Brian home and get him clean up." Horace shoved Peter unceremoniously into the driver's seat, watching wordlessly as the fat, bespectacled man's car then drove off, Not too long afterwards, Horace walked shakily back into the bar to wipe the blood off his hands.

 

 


	6. SIX: A Slow Recovery

Lois was awakened in the middle of the night and knew at once that something was wrong. Her face stretching into an expression of worry, she switched on the light that was perched on the nightstand and tiptoed downstairs in her pajamas and slippers. When she reached the foot of the steps and could see the front door, she heard Peter's voice shouting form the other side of it.

"Lois! Open the damn door! We don't have freaking time for this-"

Lois didn't give him another moment to finishing shouting. "Shut the hell up, Peter, you'll wake the kids!" she whispered, loudly, walking over to the door and twisting it open. Nothing could've prepared her for the  
gruesome sight she saw next.

"Oh…Brian…Peter, what the hell happened?" she whispered, running her fingers through her red hair as Peter carried Brian into the house. She watched, tears spilling down her cheeks, as Peter laid Brian carefully on the couch and went to the phone. As he started dialing, Lois slowly approached the bloody mess that had been the family's beloved pet.

"I'm calling the vet, Lois!" Peter shouted as Lois sat on the couch next to Brian and timidly began to run her trembling fingers through his blood-matted fur. He wasn't moving.

"Oh, Brian…who did this to you?" she whispered, not caring how much of his blood got on her hands. "My poor handsome guy…"

Very slowly, Brian's eyes fluttered opened, searching. As they rolled, Lois gently cupped Brian's fragile head in her hands and peered worriedly into his face.

The dog's tail suddenly began to thump slowly against the sofa.

* * *

Up in his room, trying to sleep in his crib, Stewie could hear the voice of his father as it rose in anger and frustration. Knowing that something nasty was afoot and eager to find out what it was, Stewie once again crawled out of his crib and ventured downstairs.

"Mommy! The fat man won't shut up! I can't sleep!" he wailed once he had stumbled into the living room.

Lois turned to look at him. In an instant Stewie trotted up to her, and saw…

"Brian? Dear god, who screwed with you?" he cried, planting his little butt down on the couch and staring at his wounded friend in disbelief. At the sound of Stewie's voice, Brain gave a soft groan and closed his eyes.

They didn't open again for a long time.

The next day, the Griffins went to visit Brian at the vet. It was around two o'clock in the evening when they arrived there, and Brian had already been in there since after twelve o'clock last night. Peter had driven the dog to the vet himself after he had gotten a hold of the nurse that was working there. Everybody nearly freaked out when they learned who she was.

"Liz? The Liz from Garfield?" Peter shouted when the lady at the reception desk told them who was watching after Brian. The girl, who was older than both Chris and Meg, nodded.

"Yeah, looks like she finally got away from Jon," she said, looking slightly amused. Peter giggled.

"It was funny how he was always to hump her," he said. Bhind him, Meg sighed. Minutes later they were taken into the back room where Brian was being held.

"Oh, you're here. Finally," a tall, beautiful woman with short black hair said. The Griffins instantly recognized her as Liz from the Garfield comic strip.

"Oh, goodness, Miss. Liz! " Lois gushed, extending her hand out for Liz to shake. When the woman didn't take it, Lois laughed nervously. "Sorry. I've always wanted to meet you. Why are you here, anyway?"

Liz snorted, "Jim Davis fired me." She led them to a table where Brian lay, wrapped in badges that mostly criss-crossed his waist and head. The dog looked miserable but when he opened his eyes and saw his family arrive, his face brightened up and he managed a weak grin.

"Brian!" Meg and Chris shouted. They ran up to the table, Stewie trailing silently behind them.

"Why did he fire ya, for?" Peter asked, wrapping an arm around his wife as they followed Liz to Brian's table.

Liz shook her head.

"Bastard said that my boobs were getting too flat and Jon was getting bored with me," she muttered. Peter sneaked up behind her, ignoring Lois' whispered protests. With a little beep, he raised his arm over one of Liz's shoulders and roughly pinched one of her boobs, causing her to yelp.  
Enraged, Liz swirled around to face Peter, formed one of her hands into a fist, and flung it as hard as she could at his face. Peter instantly fell to the floor with a load thump.

"How did you end up marrying him?" Liz asked Lois, twisting her lips up in disgusted snarl.

Lois sighed. "You tell me." She calmly stepped over her husband, who had begun to snore raucously.

* * *

June passed. Before long, they were in July. For the Griffins, especially Chris and Meg, time seemed to speed up. For Brian, however, it seemed to slow down. It was taking a much longer time than he had thought to recover from his wounds, and it was impossible for him to get up and do anything. He was beginning to think that he would be stuck like this for the rest of his life.

Stewie never failed to torture Brian about his helplessness. Every time that the baby would catch him lying down in a secluded spot in the living room or some other place, he would wave a bone in front of his face and chant, "Here boy, come get it! Come on boy, you know you want it!"

He would continue to do this until Brian advised him to 'piss off', and he always would only to come back later in the day to finish killing off what little sanity Brian had left.

Finally, the end of the month approached and Brian was allowed to take his bandages off. Lois helped him do this while Stewie sat and watched, waiting for another strip of cloth to unravel so he could get himself entangled in it.

Lois didn't find this amusing. More than once she had to free her child from the bandages as Brian watched with amusement. Stewie seemed to be enjoying the attention.

Not too many days after Brian had had his bandages removed, Lois and Peter took the kids out to do their school shopping. Unable to find a babysitter, Lois had taken Stewie along, leaving Brian home by himself for he still couldn't walk real well. He could limp a little about the living room, where he was forced to stay, but that was about it.

At the end of the day, when the family returned, Brian was reclining on the couch when Stewie walked up to him, looking guilty about something.

"What have you done?" Brian rose slowly up a little to look the baby straight in the eye. An evil grin came across Stewie's face.

"What haven't I done, Brian? What haven't I done?" was what the toddler had to say, and Brian eyed the baby suspiciously as he walked away.

Surprisingly, the days after that went by fairly normally. No one got blown up, Lois hadn't been found viciously murdered, and both Chris and Meg were well enough to go to school on the first day, which was now upon them. In short, everything was going really well. Life was perfect.

So what had Stewie done?

Brian decided to put this question behind him when the days passed and he still hadn't found the answer to it. Later that year, when Christmas was upon them and he was able to travel on his feet again, Brian got up from the couch and walked outside.

Everything was destroyed.

THE END

 

 


End file.
